Day: November 13, 2012

The Zombie Apocalypse

Ever wonder if a zombie apocalypse is a possibility?  Yea, me neither, but I’m not a virologist nor do I work for the CDC [Center for Disease Control], but it seems to be pretty damn close to impossible.  Although, do we humans really need a virus to take over our brains to make us act irrational, at least some of us.

History provides numerous examples of mobs in times of crisis literally hunting down other humans for food.  (French soldiers in Vilnius during Napoleon’s retreat from Russia, Soviet citizens and soldiers in Leningrad during World War II, & Germans both during and after the fall of Berlin in WW2, just to name a few, even in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, reports have surfaced of armed gangs looting homes).

So what would cause a “zombie apocalypse”?  Any type of macro disaster.  As one can easily see FEMA is totally inadequate for the job of managing a lemonade stand let alone a national disaster.

So what should you do?  Gee I don’t know…maybe be prepared for the worst.  Now I am not talking building a fallout shelter in your backyard, and stocking with food, water, and ammo for a century, although if you do, make sure you kick me an invite, just to be safe.  One can never have too many marginally talented, slightly amusing, scatter brained bloggers, right?  Anyway…I am talking about, the weather dude coming on TV and saying “big storm heading towards you”.  You should probably think to yourself, “Hmm, what if we do a little prep, just in case, something bad happens, like we lose electricity and water”.

Well if you have some spare cash, buy yourself a generator and a 5 gallon fuel can, if you are the average person, you are going to have to suck it up, with the possibility of no electric.  Oddly storms usually mean you are going to be cold and/or wet.  Go figure.  So get your clothes out ahead of time, kind of hard to do, when it is pitch black in your attic, basement, or back of your closet were you keep your best winter clothes.  Remember functionality bests fashion in emergencies.  While you are there, get out more blankets.  Blankets are good.

Water is a bit easier, just fill up some containers with water.  Now the “book” will say 1 gallon per person per day, and that is an excellent planning factor, just remember, the warmer it is the faster the water will go, and if whatever caused you to lose water and electric continues for a while, You will still want to flush your toilets, clean yourself up, cook, and of course have a sip or two.  The average bathtub holds 20 to 60 gallons of water, so that is an excellent source of non-potable water.  Well I suppose you can drink it, if you wanted to, I would add a good size shot of vodka to be safe, and then that totally ruins the vodka.  :p

Food, well that is going to be tough.  Stock up now on canned goods, also stock up on things like dry noodles, beef jerky, & nuts.  Plan on a minimum of a week, for food.  Don’t plan daily feasts but don’t try to skimp either, you will need enough to survive and if it is cold more you will need a bit more than normal.

Cooking that food, another tough one, yea, no microwave, no electric ovens or stoves, If you have a gas range, that will be working, assuming the gas lines are still intact and working.  Otherwise you are going to have to go ‘old school’, if you have a barbecue use that, OUTSIDE.  To many people have died by trying to use an open flame inside, so DO NOT DO THIS, without proper ventilation.  If you decide to cook indoors, BE CAREFUL, you won’t be a happy camper if your house burns down.  I advise cooking outdoors and not using large open flames inside.

Lastly and definitely not least important, the defense of your home and the protection of you, your family and your personal items.  In some places, it is perfectly legal to kill intruders into your home, others have laws that are more ambiguous or flat-out illegal too.  While I am not promoting killing anyone, you should definitely be prepared for all eventualities.  You should have some defensive weapons and a plan as well as an evacuation plan.  Whether you fight or retreat, will be entirely situation dependent, a couple of unarmed teenagers looking for a hangout will probably need no more than a good yell and an escape route, while a gang of hardened criminals with firearms will require a withdrawal to a more defensible area, remember there is no cavalry coming, and both sides know this, think and plan accordingly.

Overall, a little forethought and some planning will go a long way in ensuring not only your survival but your level of comfort.  While these things won’t make you comfortable it will at least they will make you more comfortable.  No sense in suffering to terribly much during a disaster.  Hey if you can afford it, get some champagne and caviar and have a little disaster ball.  Take pictures, send them to me, I’ll post them, that would be BAD A$$ as hell.  Just saying.  Seriously though, plan ahead, think about what you might need to do, and do it.  A little money and effort now, pays off big time later.