Dateline — Moscow, Russia
President Vladimir Putin, has decided to crown himself Emperor of All the Russias. Kremlin spokesman stated the date for the coronation has not been set, but will be soon and to expect the full regalia.
— President Obama has stated he cannot make as he is scheduled for the back 9 on that date.
— Vice President Biden’s spokesman said that Uncle Joe will be sent to some third world hell hole, because, “well Biden says enough dumb things with out unlimited vodka, we would be insane to let him go to Moscow”.
— National Security Adviser Susan Rice, stated that she is pretty sure she seen it on a YouTube video.
— former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, has stated that after coming under sniper attack on her last visit to Moscow, she feels like…”What difference does it make? and NO, Bill won’t be attending, to many hot Russian women.”
— Secretary of State John Kerry is heading to Constantinople to reassure the Ottoman Sultan, that the revived Russian Empire is of no threat, as soon as he finds an airline heading that way.
— Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, has stated he is too busy hunting ‘domestic terrorists’, saying after donning his Emperor robes, “Soon the rebel alliance will be crushed.”
— On the upside, Russian language teachers are in high demand from Helsinki to Warsaw to Istanbul to Tbilisi, and beyond. So time to break out the books…