will the children be given a single can or will they have an entire arsenal of cans stacked up neatly under their desks for such an emergency? a arsenal of chicken noodle soup
what if they get hungry, will they be provided with can openers? I have a hard time resisting a good can of spaghetti Os.
will they be charged with destruction of a government issued weapon, if they eat the contents of said can? Johnny stop eating in class.
will they ‘fire’ by rank, by platoon, or will it be a wily-nily firing system?
some serious tactical decisions will need to be made, and assuredly training, perhaps we should open a national level can attack training course.
We could arm the teacher with a 6 pack of their favorite canned beverage, so they could lead by example.
should we issue them sporks for a final spork armed bayonet charge, all while screaming “for Obama”?
What a wonderful idea.
It sounds really bizarre, but it’s true: U.S. schools are teaching children to carry cans of soup as weapons, with instructions to hurl the cans at terrorists or school shooters.
In effect, middle school children are being taught to stand their ground against crazed assailants while armed with soup. What could possibly go wrong with this plan?