The Entirely Too Early Presidential Endorsement (25 Mar 16)

 

After carefully watching the Primary process, and weighing the strengths and weaknesses of the remaining candidates I have decided to Endorse…

my dog, Bethany the Denver Dingo.  No she is not from Denver or a dingo.

Beth

While she can be bribed only beef jerky and bacon will work (but who can resist bacon?).

She is absolutely loyal, unless someone has food, in which case she is as traitorous as Benedict Arnold until their food is gone, then she’ll be back.

She is unwaveringly brave unless there is a really loud noise, like thunder or the trash collectors.

Her stand on the issues are ambiguous because her language skills are somewhat lacking, but with that said, you do know she won’t make any campaign promises she won’t keep.

Beth would be the first female President and the first canine President, clearly she would not be the first bitch in the Oval office.

Since Beth doesn’t have fingers we don’t need to worry about her e-mails and she promises to eat any classified material.

While Beth is single, she has posed for some tasteful nudes, so no twitter wars will be necessary.

Unlike Hillary Clinton or Ted Cruz, Beth has not collected millions of dollars in donations from various special interest groups.  With that said, Beth is willing to take donations in the form of yummy delicious beef jerky or bacon, bacon is always welcome.

Beth’s platform is as follows:

Old Yeller be remade, with a new ending.

Homeward Bound remade, but without the cat.

-All members of Congress spend at least 100 days a year dressed as a fire hydrant standing on  a street.

-Dog friendly chocolate

-mandatory kenneling of all lawyers and politicians.

-more dog parks

-cat-free zones

-cat chasing zones

-outlawing of dry dog food

Beth promises to push these common sense measures through Congress in her first hundred days.

 

Her campaign slogan will be:  Vote for Your Best Friend

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