Joe Biden

Saturday Sark (31 Jan 15)

SarkSat

The following is sarcasm.  Enjoy at your own risk.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C.

In bizarre and ultimately failed attempt at the famed Jedi mind trick, assistant to the assistant to the deputy of the secretary of the assistant deputy White House spokesman, Eric Schultz tried to convince John Karl of ABC news that the Taliban weren’t a terrorist group.  132 children would disagree, if they could.

In other news President Obama has abandoned his plan to pay for the first 2 years of community college, by taking college savings away.

 

Dateline:  Paris, France

Earlier this month, Secretary of State  John Kerry finally arrived in ‘plans’ to join the Paris Anti-Terror Rally (Charlie Hebdo) nearly a week after Attorney General Eric Holder slithered out of the City of Lights to avoid going, to say nothing of Uncle Joe, who eagerly volunteered to run to Saudi Arabia to creep on comfort anyone who would let him in the wake of the old King’s death, didn’t attend, and the President….too busy for the Valerie Jarret described ‘parade’.

 

Dateline:  Ar-Raqqah, Syria

Daesh (ISIS) have released the latest edition of their state sponsored magazine, in it, the detail the correct way to raise little terrorists, also included recipes for the loving wife.

There has been no response from ISIS to Jordan’s warning that if their pilot was killed, that Jordan would go all Black September on them.

 

Dateline:  Top Secret Base, Undisclosed Location

We have saved the best for last, Michael Moore, famed for his propaganda movies in the form of documentaries to say nothing of his magnum opus, Canadian Bacon, has decided that “we” were taught that snipers were cowards, and not wanting any Americans to be considered cowards has volunteered to replace all the snipers in the US Military with a weapon of his own design, so without further ado…

we present…

 

the Michael Francis Moore Wonder Weapon (M103A3E2)

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First you take Michael,

Michael Moore

Michael Moore

then since the military doesn’t make body armor in that size,

he strips naked, wraps himself in a camo net

Camouflage Net aka Camo Net

Camouflage Net aka Camo Net

and then he waits for the enemy to be about to attack innocent civilians or friendly forces and

he throws off the camo and charges into battle, as seen below

CAUTION THE FOLLOWING PICTURE CAN AND WILL CAUSE RETINA DAMAGE

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Please turn away, we beg you, the horror of a naked Michael Moore in full on charge is enough to break anyone.

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fine, here it is

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just click the link….if you dare….

LINK to naked Michael Moore in full charge, You have been warned, so we accept no responsibility for heart attacks, strokes, blindness, nausea, vomiting or any other ill effects caused by you looking at this picture.

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We are sorry but due to legal concerns we were forced to redact the photo of naked Michael Moore in full charge, but in the interest of your overwhelming and insatiable curiosity we give you a close facsimile.  Enjoy…

Tart Tuesday [New Year Sark] (13 Jan 15)

Welcome to the New Year’s First Sarcastic post, once again the following is sarcasm…enjoy

 

Dateline:  Paris, France:

In the worst anti-Islamic violence in decades, maybe even centuries, hundreds, nay, thousands of Muslims here in Paris and around Europe were treated to how civilized people’s express their displeasure (Je suis Charlie), nearly 4 million people came out in support of this ‘pogrom’, Heads of States including French President Francois Hollande, Albanian Prime Minister Edi Rama, Belgian PM Charles Michel, Bulgarian PM Boyko Borisov, Croatian PM Zoran Milanovic, Czech PM Bohuslav Sobotka, Danish PM Helle Thorning-Schmidt, Finnish PM Alexender Stubb, Georgian PM Irakli Garibashvili, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Greek PM Antonis Samaras, Hungarian PM Viktor Orban, Irish Taoiseach Enda Kenny, Italian PM Matteo Renzi, Kosovo President Atifete Jahjaga, Latvian PM Laimdota Straujuma, Luxembourg PM Xavier Bettel, Maltese PM Joseph Muscat, Monaco State Minister Michel Roger, Dutch PM Mark Rutte, Norwegian PM Erna Solberg, Polish PM Ewa Kopacz, Portugese PM Pedro Passos Coelho, Romanian President Klaus Iohannis, Slovakian PM Robert Fico, Slovenian PM Miro Cerar, Spanish PM Mariano Rajoy, Swedish PM Stefan Lofven, Swiss Confederation President Simonetta Sommaruga, Turkish PM Ahmet Davutoglu, Ukrainian PM Petro Poroshenko, British PM David Cameron, Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, Jordanian King Abdullah II (and his lovely bride, Queen Rania), Benin President Yayi Boni, Gabon President Ali Bongo Ondimba, Mali President Ibrahim Boubacar Keita, Niger President Mahamadou Issoufou, Tunisian PM Mehdi Jomaa, Togo President Faure Gnassingbe, Serbian PM Ivica Dacic, and Senegalese President Macky Sall, .  The following countries sent their foreign ministers (or equivalent):  Algeria, Armenia, Austria, Egypt, Estonia, Lebanon, Russia, and UAE.  Brazil, China, India, and the US sent their Ambassadors to France.  If you are a representative of a country not on this list you should be ashamed.

 

Dateline:  Cairo, Egypt:

 

While we all knew that Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi had big brass ones, since he crushed the short-lived Muslim Brotherhood caliphate and the violence it generated, we were unaware that he had traded them in for titanium ones, in a shocking display, he went to the Al Azhar Mosque and University (often called the Vatican of Egyptian Islamic thought) and took them to task the Imams there for not dragging Islam into the modern era.  While there is no doubt that President el Sisi has done some questionable things, it does seem he is looking out for the best interests of Egypt and peace through out the world.  Bravo el-Sisi.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C., USA:

 

There is no truth to the rumor that the President was too busy practicing his putt to attend Sunday’s Republican Anti-terror marches in Paris (or one of the 40 cities around the world, including one in Washington D.C.).

Nor is there any truth to the fact that Vice President Biden was locked in a closet (again).

or that Secretary of State Kerry hasn’t been seen since he started looking for Constantinople, he is getting close, he is at a Dunkin Donuts in Islamabad per twitter @JohnKerry.

Initially the media was told that security was an issue, but the Secret Service issued a statement that they had not been tasked with providing security.  Although we couldn’t swallow that fib either, with 40 plus world leaders attending, that rally or at least parts of that rally was literally the “safest place on the planet” for that time period.  Considering the epic level of unpopularity of the federal government, we are surprised that all 4.3 million of them (as of 2012) didn’t pack up and head over to gay Paris, for a bit of a holiday.  Although…perhaps they were afraid we would slam and lock the door behind them.

 

Have a great day, be safe, and come back soon.

Tart Tuesday (16 Sep 14)

Be Advised the following is SARCASM.  Mostly True, but…Sarcastic.

Proceed with Caution and Intelligence.

 

— Hillary Clinton has set up her very own Ministry of Propaganda…Correct the Record.  A waste of money IF she isn’t running for President in 2016.

 

— President Obama recently advised ISIS, Kindergarten teachers around the country collectively face-palmed.

 

— Senator Kirsten Gillibrand alleged in her recent book, that she was sexually harassed by fellow politicians, but then refused to name names.  Bill Clinton and Uncle Joe (Biden not Stalin) breathed a sigh of relief picked up by the Mars lander.

 

— Josh Earnest recently stated “Well, when we are in a position to be more specific about the commitments that we’ve received from our allies and other interested regional governments, then we will do that.”  Josh continued and I did actually have a girlfriend in high school, she lived in Canada.  I’m just saying.  Mrs. Earnest declined to comment, but did laugh hysterically.

 

— Secretary of State John Kerry was stunned to find out that after his Dance of the Seven Veils, that wanna be Sultan Recep Tayyip Erdogan still declined to help fight his BFF, ISIS.  Secretary Kerry was heard saying I showed him my best moves.