President Obama

Sark Saturday (28 Mar 15) The March Madness of King Barack Edition

SarkSat

The following is sarcasm.  Please enjoy at your own risk.

 

Dateline:  Sana’a, Republic of Yemen

Less than a year after President Obama touted “success” in Yemen and Somalia, Yemen has fallen into a state of civil war, where Sunni terrorists fight Shiite terrorists, and now the Saudi military has had to intervene to save innocents.  Thousands have already died, and this will continue before peace returns.  Meanwhile, in Somalia, al Qaeda affiliate, al Shaaba has terrorized thousands everywhere outside of the self-proclaimed Republic of Somaliland.

 

Dateline:  Tikrit, Republic of Iraq

The Iranian led Shiite Militia offense to push ISIS (Daesh) out of Tikrit has bogged down, President Obama has authorized US airstrikes to help out.

ObamaDrone

 

Dateline:  Tripoli, Libya

Chaos continues to reign supreme in Libya after President Obama led from behind the overthrow of longtime dictator Muammar Gaddafi.  The President plans to announce Libya as another success of his foreign policy soon.

happyObama

 

Dateline:  Tehran, Islamic Republic of Iran

In a desperate attempt to get the Iranians to agree to any “deal” President Obama has offered Uncle Joe as Ayatollah Ali Khamenei’s personal concubine.  The Ayatollah turned down the offer because “Uncle Joe drinks too much for a good concubine.”

sexyjoe

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C., USA

New Afghan President Mohammad Ashraf Ghani, personally thanked the US taxpayer for their hardwork and generous hearts in supporting Afghanistan.  President Obama looked slightly put off and curtly stated, “It’s my money.”

irratedObama

 

Dateline:  Tunis, Tunisia

President Obama stated recently that the Terrorists who attacked the Tunisian National Museum were not terrorists but hungry government workers, and that is why he was going to increase foreign aid to someone, at that point in his statement the president seem to lose his chain of thought and started mumbling about the benefits of basketball to world peace.

obama_basketball

 

Dateline:  a cave in Chechnya

Jaish al Muhajireen wal Ansar briefly expressed their undying Beiber like love of ISIS (daesh) before quickly breaking up, once they found out that daesh was messing with Boko Haram.  President Obama posted on their timeline, how he didn’t think they were as cute of a couple as Kim K and Kanye.

 

The "Cuter" Couple

The “Cuter” Couple

 

Dateline:  hiding out in Nigeria

Boko Haram bigwig Abubakar Shekau sent his love to daesh via online posts, daesh sent some loving back, but Shekau let daesh know in no uncertain terms that Nigeria was his b!tch and would not tolerate daesh moving in, daesh was cool as long as Shekau sent all his man love to daesh.  Needless to say, the Nigerian army has continued to bitch slap Boko Haram around like a red-headed step child.  President Obama has vowed to find out a way to stop the Nigerian army.

Abubakar Shekau giving his sexy smile

Abubakar Shekau giving his sexy smile

 

 

Dateline:  A golf course near D.C., USA

President Obama finished his NCAA brackets and even gave an interview about it.  We can safely assume that his picks will be better than his foreign or domestic policy.  [Link]

 

 

Sark Saturday (7 Feb 2015)

The following is sarcasm, if you are intellectually challenged, proceed with caution, if you are easily offended, frequently confused, of an inhibitor of cheap artificial grape-flavored children’s drink, you may wish to flee immediately, the following will surely cause your eyes to pop from your skull, your ears to bleed, and your heart to play The Ballroom Blitz.  You have been warned.

SarkSat

Dateline:  Washington D.C.

At the National Prayer Breakfast, President Obama gave Islam a sharp back-handed compliment (some say it was so good, even he didn’t realize it).

Humanity has been grappling with these questions throughout human history, and lest we get on our high horse and think this is unique to some other place remember that during the Crusades and the Inquisition people committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ.  In our home country, slavery and Jim Crow all too often was justified in the name of Christ.”

Did you see what he did there?

PrezO1

First he referenced the Crusades, which as we all know were the Christian response to Islam conquering Christian lands around the middle east, from Egypt in the South up to what is now Turkey in the North, very smooth, Mr. President; but wait there is more…

PrezO3

the inquisition, a suave reference to a particular episode in the Catholic church’s history that had part of its cause when people were concerned that Muslim converts to Christianity (Moriscos) were supplying Muslim pirates, the Corsairs sailing out of North Africa with the full support of the Caliphate in the form of the Ottoman Empire, information to raid coastal regions of Spain to abduct locals for the slave market; but wait,

????????

there is even more by referencing slavery in the west, he subtly points to the fact that it was Muslim traders with whom the first European traders purchased black Africans as slaves to be shipped to the Americas, and the fact that Muslim traders were instrumental in ensuring a continuous supply of Christian and Pagan black Africans to be shipped off to the Americas as slaves…Bam…painfully slick, like a greased pig, but even then it didn’t stop, Oh no, the President had one more to go, yes he did,

his reference to Jim Crow, a straight up poke in the eye,

Jim Crow…was the name of a lessor known character played by the the world famous caricature actor Sebastian Woodly, Mr. Woodly who would later travel to the middle east where he met and fell in love with a young goat herder, converted to Islam, and then retired to Baltimore, County Cork, Ireland, much to the chagrin of the locals as Mr. Woodley would often chase the livestock about, some say in heartbreak, others say in hunger, and even others say he was just a dodgey old codger.

obama-confused

But I digress,

that last one aside,

it was a pretty smooth set of digs at Muslims and every one true

(again not the last one, to head off any controversy as far as we know there has never been an actor named Sebastian Woodly who did all those things, and any confusion is completely and totally because you missed the part above that said this was sarcasm),

we can only stand back and watch in shock and awe.

Dateline:  Amman, Jordan

KingofJordan

Warrior King Abdullah II of Jordan has issued a personal challenge to mortal combat between himself and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi to settle their differences, while we here at Dak’s Bays prefer a cage match with sharpened rusted spoons, one can assume the good King Abdullah who commanded Jordan’s elite special forces could mop the floor with Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi whose primary skills include planning world conquest, petting white cats, and indulging his goat fur-lined combat boots fetish.  While it does seem unlikely that Abu Bakr will accept the King’s offer, the good King plans to attempt to use the Royal Jordanian Air Force to bomb daesh to death, assuming Turkey’s Sultan Recep I the Aptal, and our very own President don’t try to stop him.

Dateline:  Johannesburg, South Africa

Mugabe

President/King/Self-Proclaimed Semi-Divine Being Robert “Bob” Mugabe did not fall, but actually fell to his knees in awe of himself.  That’s right, that was no fall, but a form of appreciation of how awesome he is, this feat has only happened a few other times with such notables as Jim Jones, Pol Pot, and Nero.

Images of "The Fall"

Images of “The Fall”

I do hope you enjoyed our quick overview of world events.  If you have a few minutes you should head over to Theo Spark, and take a look around.

Tart Tuesday [New Year Sark] (13 Jan 15)

Welcome to the New Year’s First Sarcastic post, once again the following is sarcasm…enjoy

 

Dateline:  Paris, France:

In the worst anti-Islamic violence in decades, maybe even centuries, hundreds, nay, thousands of Muslims here in Paris and around Europe were treated to how civilized people’s express their displeasure (Je suis Charlie), nearly 4 million people came out in support of this ‘pogrom’, Heads of States including French President Francois Hollande, Albanian Prime Minister Edi Rama, Belgian PM Charles Michel, Bulgarian PM Boyko Borisov, Croatian PM Zoran Milanovic, Czech PM Bohuslav Sobotka, Danish PM Helle Thorning-Schmidt, Finnish PM Alexender Stubb, Georgian PM Irakli Garibashvili, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Greek PM Antonis Samaras, Hungarian PM Viktor Orban, Irish Taoiseach Enda Kenny, Italian PM Matteo Renzi, Kosovo President Atifete Jahjaga, Latvian PM Laimdota Straujuma, Luxembourg PM Xavier Bettel, Maltese PM Joseph Muscat, Monaco State Minister Michel Roger, Dutch PM Mark Rutte, Norwegian PM Erna Solberg, Polish PM Ewa Kopacz, Portugese PM Pedro Passos Coelho, Romanian President Klaus Iohannis, Slovakian PM Robert Fico, Slovenian PM Miro Cerar, Spanish PM Mariano Rajoy, Swedish PM Stefan Lofven, Swiss Confederation President Simonetta Sommaruga, Turkish PM Ahmet Davutoglu, Ukrainian PM Petro Poroshenko, British PM David Cameron, Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, Jordanian King Abdullah II (and his lovely bride, Queen Rania), Benin President Yayi Boni, Gabon President Ali Bongo Ondimba, Mali President Ibrahim Boubacar Keita, Niger President Mahamadou Issoufou, Tunisian PM Mehdi Jomaa, Togo President Faure Gnassingbe, Serbian PM Ivica Dacic, and Senegalese President Macky Sall, .  The following countries sent their foreign ministers (or equivalent):  Algeria, Armenia, Austria, Egypt, Estonia, Lebanon, Russia, and UAE.  Brazil, China, India, and the US sent their Ambassadors to France.  If you are a representative of a country not on this list you should be ashamed.

 

Dateline:  Cairo, Egypt:

 

While we all knew that Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi had big brass ones, since he crushed the short-lived Muslim Brotherhood caliphate and the violence it generated, we were unaware that he had traded them in for titanium ones, in a shocking display, he went to the Al Azhar Mosque and University (often called the Vatican of Egyptian Islamic thought) and took them to task the Imams there for not dragging Islam into the modern era.  While there is no doubt that President el Sisi has done some questionable things, it does seem he is looking out for the best interests of Egypt and peace through out the world.  Bravo el-Sisi.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C., USA:

 

There is no truth to the rumor that the President was too busy practicing his putt to attend Sunday’s Republican Anti-terror marches in Paris (or one of the 40 cities around the world, including one in Washington D.C.).

Nor is there any truth to the fact that Vice President Biden was locked in a closet (again).

or that Secretary of State Kerry hasn’t been seen since he started looking for Constantinople, he is getting close, he is at a Dunkin Donuts in Islamabad per twitter @JohnKerry.

Initially the media was told that security was an issue, but the Secret Service issued a statement that they had not been tasked with providing security.  Although we couldn’t swallow that fib either, with 40 plus world leaders attending, that rally or at least parts of that rally was literally the “safest place on the planet” for that time period.  Considering the epic level of unpopularity of the federal government, we are surprised that all 4.3 million of them (as of 2012) didn’t pack up and head over to gay Paris, for a bit of a holiday.  Although…perhaps they were afraid we would slam and lock the door behind them.

 

Have a great day, be safe, and come back soon.

Saturday Sark [The Solstice Surrender Edition] (20 Dec 14)

SarkSat

Welcome to today’s Saturday Sark…

 

Dateline:  Hollywood (actually Culver City), California, USA:

Sony Pictures Entertainment have unconditionally surrendered to the Guardians of Peace, an enigmatic hacker group in the employ of North Korea, and cancelled the Christmas day opening of the Seth Rogan/James Franco movie, The Interview.  Using the pretext of a 9/11 type event at theaters to cancel the opening, when everyone on the planet knows that it is because the GoP promised to release a “Christmas gift”, considering the recent release that shows (the up til now unknown) hypocrisy of Hollywood, no one is surprised that Sony folded up like an origami swan.  Sony has announced that it will make a movie about “The Great Leader”, as requested by Kim Jong-un, the current self-proclaimed semi-divine being/sexiest man alive/president-for-life.  Amy Pascal has already requested an audience with alleged revered Al Sharpton, before doing the biopic, because who knows more about ‘truth’ then Al “Tawana Brawley” Sharpton.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C., USA:

Not to be out-Petain‘d by Amy Pascal, President Obama has unconditionally surrendered to walking dead caricatures Fidel and Raul Castro the only people on the planet who would accept the surrender.  The White House denied any and all rumors concerning the return of the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base to Cuba, and the transfer/release of the detainees there.

 

 Dateline:  Peshawar, Islamic Republic of Pakistan:

In another blatant example of Islamic apostate extremist ‘bravery’, the Taliban attacked a school.  The government of Pakistan was quick to point out that not one of the attackers were Pakistani, as 1 was Chechen (like the Tsarnov brothers), 2 Afghans, 1 Egyptian, 1 Moroccan, and 1 Arab of unknown nationality.  Some more ‘vital’ facts:

2 were homophobic, 2 were homosexual, and 2 were both;

2 loved women and thought every man should own a few, 2 were too scared to talk about women, 1 preferred goats;

2 had bathed in the last month, 1 in the last 6 months, 2 in the last year, and 1 didn’t know what a bath was;

and there were 9 gunmen.

 

Dateline:  Sydney, Australia:

Crazed gunman Man Haron Monis, who claimed loyalty to daesh (ISIS), before the Sydney Chocolate Cafe hostage crisis.  Vast numbers of people in Australia and around the world have surrendered to lunacy and announced quite vigorously that Monis was crazy (no shit, sherlocks) so it doesn’t count as an Islamic terrorist attack (Oh OK).  No one asked how a crazed man with a long history of legal trouble was able to get his grimy hands on a firearm in Australia were even thinking about guns is banned.

 

Dateline:  New York City, New York, USA:

Governor Andrew Cuomo announced today that he was surrendering to demands to follow the example set by a certain Ivy League school‘s policy, that he would allow police officers who were traumatized by the recent protests to take paid leave up to one month, he further decreed that all workers for the City of New York could also take the paid leave, no one in City Hall was available for comment.

In related news, US military personnel take care of business every day.

 

Dateline:  Hawaii, USA:

In his ultimate surrender to date, President Obama, has fled the Oval office, and gone on vacation to his Hawaiian retreat, as he mulls his options for retirement.  Rumors abound about Chicago, Hawaii, Isla de la Juventud, New York City, San Francisco abound, and the President himself joked about retiring to Kenya just to get the goat of birthers.

Wanna-be-Sultan Recep the Aptal has offered the President a comfy estate in Constantinople, while self-proclaimed semi-divine being/King/President Bob has offered the soon to be retired President a home in Harare but only if the President can help him hunt down witches.  No comments from the First Lady.

 

The Preceding is sarcasm, if it offends you, tell a friend, show them this post, both of you should be offended equally.

Blessed Solstice,

Happy Holidays,

and MERRY CHRISTMAS.

 

and remember DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE

 

and gifts for Dak should be in the form of vodka, silver, or blades 😀

 

seriously though, if you find yourself with a few extra coins, please remember all of the veterans out there who are suffering.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday Sark (Thanksgiving Holiday edition 29 Nov 14)

The following is sarcasm, if the following offends you, you are completely free to leave this page…so go thank a veteran for that freedom.

 

3 Things Liberal Statists should be thankful for,

if they celebrated Thanksgiving.

 

Dateline:  Zimbabwe (aka The Kingdom of Bob):  King/President-for-life/Self Proclaimed Semi-divine being Bob (aka Robert Mugabe) had his former BFF and favorite concubine Jabulani Sibanda arrested recently, it seems that Jabulani was upset by Bob picking Bob’s wife, whether it was just to head the Woman’s League or if there was more, no one is saying but Bob is still happily clinging to power like a drowning man to a raft.

 

Dateline:  Guantanamo Bay, Cuba:  The Pentagon is preparing to ‘transfer‘ some more ‘detainees’ (peace-loving, multiculturalism-believing, feminist, gun-control advocating, vegan, moderate men of an unspecified religion).  Where these chaps are being transferred has not being released.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C.:  SecDef Chuck Hagel was not fired…Josh “Canadian Girlfriend” Earnest stated earnestly, after SecDef Hagel was fired.  So the President has purged all but one Republicans from his cabinet, that way the President can ‘hear’ all those who didn’t vote (because obviously if they had, they would have voted democrat) better.  Elections have consequences…except when they don’t

 

3 Things Lovers of Freedom should be thankful for this Thanksgiving

 

1.  The lame-duck senate has not declared President Obama President for life, King, or Czar.

 

2.  President Obama has not declared himself President for life, King, or Czar.

 

3.  Uncle Joe (Biden not Stalin) hasn’t had to replace President Obama.

 

and 3 thoughts…

 

1.  anyone else think that if Mike Brown’s parents had spent as much time teaching him to be a gentleman with honor as they have profiting from his death, he would still be alive.

 

2.  every year the similarities between Black Friday and the zombie apocalypse are becoming more scary.

 

3.  The IRS while completely NOT harassing tea party groups failed to catch the millions of dollars sent to prisoners who had filed fraudulent claims.  Not a smidgen of corruption, but a whole heaping pile of incompetence.

 

I hope you have had and will continue to have a very Happy Thanksgiving weekend.  Thank all of you for reading my drivel.  Be safe and come back…and

DON’T Drink and Drive

Saturday Week in Review (22 Mar 14)

The Week in Review

The Week in Review

 

This week in review…

 

*  Whoever is in charge of Kuala Lampur airport security should be fired, seriously, have you seen this video?  It is security camera video of the two pilots of the Malaysian Air jet that has been missing for almost 2 weeks now.  Seriously, buy some real cameras or at least hire somebody to stand there with their smart phone and record.

 

* For those of you, who are not quite clear on what realpolitik is, meet Vladimir Putin…Putin He just schooled President Obama on realpolitik, again.

 

* Crimea has voted to rejoin Russia, after declaring their independence from Ukraine.  For those of you wringing your hands about Crimea, don’t sweat it, let us be realistic, it is not in our national interests whether territory that has been Russian for 400 odd years, and filled with Russians is ruled by Russia.  It is definitely not worth drawing another red line that we won’t do anything about, as that only makes us look weak, and will cause us to have issues in other places that are in our national interests.  Pick your battles, and the Crimea is not of value to us.

 

* ObamaCare (aka The Affordable Healthcare Act) has been ‘modified/delayed’ again, that would be in the deep 30s in terms of modifications and delays.  Now I am not sure, but that sure does seem to be unique amongst federal laws in such a short time but, what I find odd, is the entire clusterfuck was designed (allegedly) to lower healthcare costs, provide insurance coverage to the 30+ million uninsured Americans, and to lower the debt and deficit to boot (the very definition of “if it sounds to good to be true, it probably is”), shouldn’t we look to what made America the leader in healthcare?  The free market system.  If the government wants to affect the price of medical care, perhaps, Tort Reform, Insurance Reform, and helping students wanting to enter the medical field with their costs for education, would actually do some good.

 

* Earlier this week over a hundred illegal aliens were apprehended rescued from a stash house in Houston.  Why if roughly 10% of Mexico’s population is already here in America, and literally hundreds of Mexicans die every year attempting the dangerous crossing from Mexico to America, through some of the harshest climates in the world, led by criminals whose primary concern is cash, to be packed into cars, trucks, and houses like sardines, has not asked, one simple question…What the hell is going on in Mexico that all of these people are running from?

Has the time come for the USA to liberate Mexico.  People always talk about doing the humanitarian thing while wanting to offer amnesty to all of the illegal aliens, well let’s do one better, let us liberate the whole damn country, make them American, stamp out the epidemic corruption and violence that forces these poor people to flee for a better life.  Problem solved, and it is a lot closer to home.

Monday Morning QBing (3 Feb 14)

Monday Morning QBing

Monday Morning QBing

 

— Congratulations to the Seattle Seahawks on their Super Bowl victory over the heavily favored Denver Broncos.  [final score 43-8]

 

— The twitter-verse racist trolls were outraged over the Coca Cola advert that featured the song America the Beautiful in several languages.

A couple of things for the ignorant

1) America the Beautiful is not our National Anthem. Not knowing this pretty much invalidates any argument you have about the commercial.  [Knowledge is Power]

2)  Just because something is labelled (or mis-labelled) as multicultural doesn’t mean it is automatically bad or good. [That is prejudice.  DUH!]

3.) White, English speakers are not the source of all evil in the world, nor are they the source of all good.  Every race, culture, ethnicity, have done very nasty things, and every one has done glorious, beautiful things.  [Educate Yourself.]

 

— Bill O’Reilly interviewed the President with part showing before the Super Bowl and the rest airing tonight on Bill O’Reilly’s show on FNC.  It won’t be the typical hero-worship crap the President gets when he does “The View”, MSNBC, or Katie Couric, but don’t expect an overly aggressive interview either.  Expect no novel information from the President, as he will dance around the answers, in what appears much like an elephant doing ballet, amazing but completely ineffective, oddly no one ever calls him out on it, so it will end up being an exercise in not throwing the closest heavy object at the TV screen.

So watch at your (and your flat screens’) own risk.

 

On that note, some Nat King Cole