Uncle Joe

Sark Saturday (28 Mar 15) The March Madness of King Barack Edition

SarkSat

The following is sarcasm.  Please enjoy at your own risk.

 

Dateline:  Sana’a, Republic of Yemen

Less than a year after President Obama touted “success” in Yemen and Somalia, Yemen has fallen into a state of civil war, where Sunni terrorists fight Shiite terrorists, and now the Saudi military has had to intervene to save innocents.  Thousands have already died, and this will continue before peace returns.  Meanwhile, in Somalia, al Qaeda affiliate, al Shaaba has terrorized thousands everywhere outside of the self-proclaimed Republic of Somaliland.

 

Dateline:  Tikrit, Republic of Iraq

The Iranian led Shiite Militia offense to push ISIS (Daesh) out of Tikrit has bogged down, President Obama has authorized US airstrikes to help out.

ObamaDrone

 

Dateline:  Tripoli, Libya

Chaos continues to reign supreme in Libya after President Obama led from behind the overthrow of longtime dictator Muammar Gaddafi.  The President plans to announce Libya as another success of his foreign policy soon.

happyObama

 

Dateline:  Tehran, Islamic Republic of Iran

In a desperate attempt to get the Iranians to agree to any “deal” President Obama has offered Uncle Joe as Ayatollah Ali Khamenei’s personal concubine.  The Ayatollah turned down the offer because “Uncle Joe drinks too much for a good concubine.”

sexyjoe

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C., USA

New Afghan President Mohammad Ashraf Ghani, personally thanked the US taxpayer for their hardwork and generous hearts in supporting Afghanistan.  President Obama looked slightly put off and curtly stated, “It’s my money.”

irratedObama

 

Dateline:  Tunis, Tunisia

President Obama stated recently that the Terrorists who attacked the Tunisian National Museum were not terrorists but hungry government workers, and that is why he was going to increase foreign aid to someone, at that point in his statement the president seem to lose his chain of thought and started mumbling about the benefits of basketball to world peace.

obama_basketball

 

Dateline:  a cave in Chechnya

Jaish al Muhajireen wal Ansar briefly expressed their undying Beiber like love of ISIS (daesh) before quickly breaking up, once they found out that daesh was messing with Boko Haram.  President Obama posted on their timeline, how he didn’t think they were as cute of a couple as Kim K and Kanye.

 

The "Cuter" Couple

The “Cuter” Couple

 

Dateline:  hiding out in Nigeria

Boko Haram bigwig Abubakar Shekau sent his love to daesh via online posts, daesh sent some loving back, but Shekau let daesh know in no uncertain terms that Nigeria was his b!tch and would not tolerate daesh moving in, daesh was cool as long as Shekau sent all his man love to daesh.  Needless to say, the Nigerian army has continued to bitch slap Boko Haram around like a red-headed step child.  President Obama has vowed to find out a way to stop the Nigerian army.

Abubakar Shekau giving his sexy smile

Abubakar Shekau giving his sexy smile

 

 

Dateline:  A golf course near D.C., USA

President Obama finished his NCAA brackets and even gave an interview about it.  We can safely assume that his picks will be better than his foreign or domestic policy.  [Link]

 

 

Tart Tuesday, The Gruber Feinstein Edition (9 Dec 14)

The following is sarcasm…

 

Dateline:  Cambridge, Ma, USA:  MIT announced today that Professor Jonathon Gruber will be leaving the Economic Department to head the newly formed Department of Economic Deception Policy, joining him will Kathleen Sebelius (former Secretary of Health and Human Services).  Senator Feinstein asked who Gruber and Sebelius are.

 

Dateline:  Harare, Zimbabwe(aka the Republic of Bob):  President/King/Self-proclaimed Semi-divine being Bob has fired Vice President Joice Mujuru and 8 cabinet members today, calling her “a witch”.  Bob then offered Professor Gruber a job as head of the office of economic propaganda for an amazing salary of Z$1 million per week.  The good professor politely declined after realizing that Zimbabwe abandoned the Zimbabwe dollar half a decade ago.  Senator Diane Feinstein has offered to take over as Vice President.  Bob wisely declined.  Bob furthered decreed that the infamous Malleus Maleficarum be reprinted and used as a guide to root out any other witches in Zimbabwe.

 

Dateline:  Moscow, Russian Federation:  Former professional amateur spy Anna Chapman has withdrawn her proposal to NSA leak Edward Snowden and thrown her love at venerable Senator Dianne Feinstein, stating simply “I love Dianne’s dedication to exposing those people who sent me back to this $#!!hole…er…I mean my beautiful homeland.  I just want to be famous and rich American like Kim Kardashian”.  Professor Gruden refused to comment and said talk to his counsel.  Senator Feinstein commented, Who is Anna Chapman?

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C.:  White House spokesman Josh “Canadian Girlfriend” Earnest, has denied any reports that the administration is conducting a “scorched earth” policy against the incoming Republican controlled congress and by default all of America, rather he termed it a “well toasted soil” policy.  Professor Gruber said speak to his counsel and Senator Feinstein cackled loudly.  Bob got the heebeegeebees from that btw.

 

Dateline:  Tehran, Islamic Republic of Iran:  The unnamed pilot who flew an American made (made prior to 1968) F-4 D/E in an air strike on ISIL targets in Iraq was awarded, the Iranian Military Order of Merit, kinda, it was the Military Order of Merit, but had a duck-taped picture of some old guy on the Pahlevi crown.  Professor Gruber asked how much it was worth, and Senator Feinstein asked who Iran was.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C., USA:  The meeting between Vice President Joe Biden (Uncle Joe) and Prince William (Duke of Cambridge) ended early when Uncle Joe kept asking the Prince to sing “Little Red Corvette“.  Professor Gruber stated his favorite was “Diamonds and Pearls” and Senator Feinstein asked who Prince is and who Joe Biden is.

 

The above is a mix of hard truths, tarty sarcasm, and complete and total fabrications.  If this offends you, please leave a comment below, I enjoy a good laugh.

Saturday Sark (Thanksgiving Holiday edition 29 Nov 14)

The following is sarcasm, if the following offends you, you are completely free to leave this page…so go thank a veteran for that freedom.

 

3 Things Liberal Statists should be thankful for,

if they celebrated Thanksgiving.

 

Dateline:  Zimbabwe (aka The Kingdom of Bob):  King/President-for-life/Self Proclaimed Semi-divine being Bob (aka Robert Mugabe) had his former BFF and favorite concubine Jabulani Sibanda arrested recently, it seems that Jabulani was upset by Bob picking Bob’s wife, whether it was just to head the Woman’s League or if there was more, no one is saying but Bob is still happily clinging to power like a drowning man to a raft.

 

Dateline:  Guantanamo Bay, Cuba:  The Pentagon is preparing to ‘transfer‘ some more ‘detainees’ (peace-loving, multiculturalism-believing, feminist, gun-control advocating, vegan, moderate men of an unspecified religion).  Where these chaps are being transferred has not being released.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C.:  SecDef Chuck Hagel was not fired…Josh “Canadian Girlfriend” Earnest stated earnestly, after SecDef Hagel was fired.  So the President has purged all but one Republicans from his cabinet, that way the President can ‘hear’ all those who didn’t vote (because obviously if they had, they would have voted democrat) better.  Elections have consequences…except when they don’t

 

3 Things Lovers of Freedom should be thankful for this Thanksgiving

 

1.  The lame-duck senate has not declared President Obama President for life, King, or Czar.

 

2.  President Obama has not declared himself President for life, King, or Czar.

 

3.  Uncle Joe (Biden not Stalin) hasn’t had to replace President Obama.

 

and 3 thoughts…

 

1.  anyone else think that if Mike Brown’s parents had spent as much time teaching him to be a gentleman with honor as they have profiting from his death, he would still be alive.

 

2.  every year the similarities between Black Friday and the zombie apocalypse are becoming more scary.

 

3.  The IRS while completely NOT harassing tea party groups failed to catch the millions of dollars sent to prisoners who had filed fraudulent claims.  Not a smidgen of corruption, but a whole heaping pile of incompetence.

 

I hope you have had and will continue to have a very Happy Thanksgiving weekend.  Thank all of you for reading my drivel.  Be safe and come back…and

DON’T Drink and Drive

Sark Saturday (22 Nov 14)

SarkSat

 

The following is a sarcastic view on recent world events…if this offends you, please leave a comment, that may make me happy.

 

Dateline – Washington D.C.:  The Treasury Department’s Inspector General has found former IRS head Lois Lerner’s 30,000 “lost” e-mails.  The White House has instructed the IG to be on the look out for the President’s lost popularity.  Wish them luck chasing the questing beast.

The Questing Beast

The Questing Beast

Dateline – rable rousing in Ferguson, Mo: alleged reverend Al “Big Money” Sharpton owes millions in back taxes…unfortunately the IRS is too busy harassing tea party groups to look into his finances, but IRS spokesperson announced that the IRS would look into it sometime in early Frimaire CMXI, as soon as they figure at what year that is.

The Personal Wealth of Al Sharpton

Dateline – Istanbul, Ottoman Empire:  Uncle Joe (Biden not Stalin) was greeted by ecstatic crowds hoping to see a repeat of his Dance of the Seven Veils.  Uncle Joe also denied that he had apologized to wannabe Sultan Recep I the Aptal.  White House spokesman Josh “Canadian Girlfriend” Earnest denied Uncle Joe’s denial.

Sultan Erdogan