Government

Saturday Sark (31 Jan 15)

SarkSat

The following is sarcasm.  Enjoy at your own risk.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C.

In bizarre and ultimately failed attempt at the famed Jedi mind trick, assistant to the assistant to the deputy of the secretary of the assistant deputy White House spokesman, Eric Schultz tried to convince John Karl of ABC news that the Taliban weren’t a terrorist group.  132 children would disagree, if they could.

In other news President Obama has abandoned his plan to pay for the first 2 years of community college, by taking college savings away.

 

Dateline:  Paris, France

Earlier this month, Secretary of State  John Kerry finally arrived in ‘plans’ to join the Paris Anti-Terror Rally (Charlie Hebdo) nearly a week after Attorney General Eric Holder slithered out of the City of Lights to avoid going, to say nothing of Uncle Joe, who eagerly volunteered to run to Saudi Arabia to creep on comfort anyone who would let him in the wake of the old King’s death, didn’t attend, and the President….too busy for the Valerie Jarret described ‘parade’.

 

Dateline:  Ar-Raqqah, Syria

Daesh (ISIS) have released the latest edition of their state sponsored magazine, in it, the detail the correct way to raise little terrorists, also included recipes for the loving wife.

There has been no response from ISIS to Jordan’s warning that if their pilot was killed, that Jordan would go all Black September on them.

 

Dateline:  Top Secret Base, Undisclosed Location

We have saved the best for last, Michael Moore, famed for his propaganda movies in the form of documentaries to say nothing of his magnum opus, Canadian Bacon, has decided that “we” were taught that snipers were cowards, and not wanting any Americans to be considered cowards has volunteered to replace all the snipers in the US Military with a weapon of his own design, so without further ado…

we present…

 

the Michael Francis Moore Wonder Weapon (M103A3E2)

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First you take Michael,

Michael Moore

Michael Moore

then since the military doesn’t make body armor in that size,

he strips naked, wraps himself in a camo net

Camouflage Net aka Camo Net

Camouflage Net aka Camo Net

and then he waits for the enemy to be about to attack innocent civilians or friendly forces and

he throws off the camo and charges into battle, as seen below

CAUTION THE FOLLOWING PICTURE CAN AND WILL CAUSE RETINA DAMAGE

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Please turn away, we beg you, the horror of a naked Michael Moore in full on charge is enough to break anyone.

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fine, here it is

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just click the link….if you dare….

LINK to naked Michael Moore in full charge, You have been warned, so we accept no responsibility for heart attacks, strokes, blindness, nausea, vomiting or any other ill effects caused by you looking at this picture.

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We are sorry but due to legal concerns we were forced to redact the photo of naked Michael Moore in full charge, but in the interest of your overwhelming and insatiable curiosity we give you a close facsimile.  Enjoy…

Tart Tuesday [New Year Sark] (13 Jan 15)

Welcome to the New Year’s First Sarcastic post, once again the following is sarcasm…enjoy

 

Dateline:  Paris, France:

In the worst anti-Islamic violence in decades, maybe even centuries, hundreds, nay, thousands of Muslims here in Paris and around Europe were treated to how civilized people’s express their displeasure (Je suis Charlie), nearly 4 million people came out in support of this ‘pogrom’, Heads of States including French President Francois Hollande, Albanian Prime Minister Edi Rama, Belgian PM Charles Michel, Bulgarian PM Boyko Borisov, Croatian PM Zoran Milanovic, Czech PM Bohuslav Sobotka, Danish PM Helle Thorning-Schmidt, Finnish PM Alexender Stubb, Georgian PM Irakli Garibashvili, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Greek PM Antonis Samaras, Hungarian PM Viktor Orban, Irish Taoiseach Enda Kenny, Italian PM Matteo Renzi, Kosovo President Atifete Jahjaga, Latvian PM Laimdota Straujuma, Luxembourg PM Xavier Bettel, Maltese PM Joseph Muscat, Monaco State Minister Michel Roger, Dutch PM Mark Rutte, Norwegian PM Erna Solberg, Polish PM Ewa Kopacz, Portugese PM Pedro Passos Coelho, Romanian President Klaus Iohannis, Slovakian PM Robert Fico, Slovenian PM Miro Cerar, Spanish PM Mariano Rajoy, Swedish PM Stefan Lofven, Swiss Confederation President Simonetta Sommaruga, Turkish PM Ahmet Davutoglu, Ukrainian PM Petro Poroshenko, British PM David Cameron, Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, Jordanian King Abdullah II (and his lovely bride, Queen Rania), Benin President Yayi Boni, Gabon President Ali Bongo Ondimba, Mali President Ibrahim Boubacar Keita, Niger President Mahamadou Issoufou, Tunisian PM Mehdi Jomaa, Togo President Faure Gnassingbe, Serbian PM Ivica Dacic, and Senegalese President Macky Sall, .  The following countries sent their foreign ministers (or equivalent):  Algeria, Armenia, Austria, Egypt, Estonia, Lebanon, Russia, and UAE.  Brazil, China, India, and the US sent their Ambassadors to France.  If you are a representative of a country not on this list you should be ashamed.

 

Dateline:  Cairo, Egypt:

 

While we all knew that Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi had big brass ones, since he crushed the short-lived Muslim Brotherhood caliphate and the violence it generated, we were unaware that he had traded them in for titanium ones, in a shocking display, he went to the Al Azhar Mosque and University (often called the Vatican of Egyptian Islamic thought) and took them to task the Imams there for not dragging Islam into the modern era.  While there is no doubt that President el Sisi has done some questionable things, it does seem he is looking out for the best interests of Egypt and peace through out the world.  Bravo el-Sisi.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C., USA:

 

There is no truth to the rumor that the President was too busy practicing his putt to attend Sunday’s Republican Anti-terror marches in Paris (or one of the 40 cities around the world, including one in Washington D.C.).

Nor is there any truth to the fact that Vice President Biden was locked in a closet (again).

or that Secretary of State Kerry hasn’t been seen since he started looking for Constantinople, he is getting close, he is at a Dunkin Donuts in Islamabad per twitter @JohnKerry.

Initially the media was told that security was an issue, but the Secret Service issued a statement that they had not been tasked with providing security.  Although we couldn’t swallow that fib either, with 40 plus world leaders attending, that rally or at least parts of that rally was literally the “safest place on the planet” for that time period.  Considering the epic level of unpopularity of the federal government, we are surprised that all 4.3 million of them (as of 2012) didn’t pack up and head over to gay Paris, for a bit of a holiday.  Although…perhaps they were afraid we would slam and lock the door behind them.

 

Have a great day, be safe, and come back soon.

Saturday Sark (13 Dec 14)

The following is sarcasm…

if you don’t like it, feel free to leave a comment I can always do with a good laugh

if it just sucks or is not funny leave a comment I can’t get better without input

if you do like it feel free to comment or give a like, maybe even a reblog

if you just don’t want to do any of the thing well…I hope you enjoy it anyway.  😀

 

Dateline:  Central, South Carolina, USA: A landlord (we will call him Chuck) has followed in the footsteps of some of the most ‘illustrious’ KGB/NKVD agents throughout history with his complete and utter refusal to allow Sgt. William Bolt to stay with his wife and new-born child over the Christmas holidays.  Great job, Chuck, no need to look up the phrase “exception to policy”  Feel free to send you displeasure to…The Groves.

 

Dateline:  Nazca, Peru:  In some sort of ‘brilliant’ attempt to garner sympathy amidst the socialist haven that is the UN Lima Climate Change Conference, Greenpeace damaged the famed hummingbird Nazca line with an ignorant sign.  Great job Greenpeace, no sense in NOT imitating the Taliban.

 

Dateline:  South Carolina, USA:  Hundreds of children rioted today throughout the state after news that Ebony Wilkerson was found not guilty of 3 counts of attempted murder after attempting to drown her 3 children (assuming you don’t count the one in her belly) by driving in to the ocean.

 

Dateline:  Jerusalem, Israel:  In another example of Palestinian religion of Peace, a terrorist threw acid on 4 little girls, before attacking their father with a screwdriver and then ran away.  Luckily he was shot by an armed fellow driver and now is being treated for his superficial wounds.

 

Dateline:  Washington, D.C, USA:  alleged Indian princess, and Obama rebel Elizabeth Warren has cough started cough a rebellion against the status quo in congress by telling her congressional sympathizers to not vote for the $1.1 trillion dollar budget deal.  So far her calls have fallen flat as the bill passed the House and looks to pass the senate, perhaps it is because it is such a far cry from last years remarks from against Ted Cruz for doing…the exact same thing.  Hat tip to Mississippi Conservative Daily and of course the beautiful and brilliant Megyn Kelly.

 

Dateline:  Beijing, People’s Republic of China:  Seemingly forgetting the Great Leap Forward and all of the other millions of Chinese people killed by torture, neglect, and outright murder, or at least assuming no one remembers or has the gall to say something, the Chinese recently blasted the US for the so-called ‘torture report’ issued by congressional democrats.  While it is good to know that China opposes the US using enhanced interrogation methods against douche-bags who rape, murder, and torture people while at the same time raping, murdering, and torturing supporters of freedom from Hong Kong to Tibet.

 

If this offends you…well…you know what to do…

Tart Tuesday, The Gruber Feinstein Edition (9 Dec 14)

The following is sarcasm…

 

Dateline:  Cambridge, Ma, USA:  MIT announced today that Professor Jonathon Gruber will be leaving the Economic Department to head the newly formed Department of Economic Deception Policy, joining him will Kathleen Sebelius (former Secretary of Health and Human Services).  Senator Feinstein asked who Gruber and Sebelius are.

 

Dateline:  Harare, Zimbabwe(aka the Republic of Bob):  President/King/Self-proclaimed Semi-divine being Bob has fired Vice President Joice Mujuru and 8 cabinet members today, calling her “a witch”.  Bob then offered Professor Gruber a job as head of the office of economic propaganda for an amazing salary of Z$1 million per week.  The good professor politely declined after realizing that Zimbabwe abandoned the Zimbabwe dollar half a decade ago.  Senator Diane Feinstein has offered to take over as Vice President.  Bob wisely declined.  Bob furthered decreed that the infamous Malleus Maleficarum be reprinted and used as a guide to root out any other witches in Zimbabwe.

 

Dateline:  Moscow, Russian Federation:  Former professional amateur spy Anna Chapman has withdrawn her proposal to NSA leak Edward Snowden and thrown her love at venerable Senator Dianne Feinstein, stating simply “I love Dianne’s dedication to exposing those people who sent me back to this $#!!hole…er…I mean my beautiful homeland.  I just want to be famous and rich American like Kim Kardashian”.  Professor Gruden refused to comment and said talk to his counsel.  Senator Feinstein commented, Who is Anna Chapman?

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C.:  White House spokesman Josh “Canadian Girlfriend” Earnest, has denied any reports that the administration is conducting a “scorched earth” policy against the incoming Republican controlled congress and by default all of America, rather he termed it a “well toasted soil” policy.  Professor Gruber said speak to his counsel and Senator Feinstein cackled loudly.  Bob got the heebeegeebees from that btw.

 

Dateline:  Tehran, Islamic Republic of Iran:  The unnamed pilot who flew an American made (made prior to 1968) F-4 D/E in an air strike on ISIL targets in Iraq was awarded, the Iranian Military Order of Merit, kinda, it was the Military Order of Merit, but had a duck-taped picture of some old guy on the Pahlevi crown.  Professor Gruber asked how much it was worth, and Senator Feinstein asked who Iran was.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C., USA:  The meeting between Vice President Joe Biden (Uncle Joe) and Prince William (Duke of Cambridge) ended early when Uncle Joe kept asking the Prince to sing “Little Red Corvette“.  Professor Gruber stated his favorite was “Diamonds and Pearls” and Senator Feinstein asked who Prince is and who Joe Biden is.

 

The above is a mix of hard truths, tarty sarcasm, and complete and total fabrications.  If this offends you, please leave a comment below, I enjoy a good laugh.

Bureaucracy, A Guide

The mission objectives of a bureaucracy…

1.  Justify existence (even if there is none, one must be found)

2.  Ensure safety from downsizing

3.  Grow (any and all means of growth is acceptable)

4.  Expand (take over other organizations responsibilities)

5.  Hire consultants (who you plan on working for later) at vastly inflated prices to study the problem.

6.  Publicly announce that after your initial overview, you must have more resources to tackle the problem.

7.  Make the talk show rounds (obviously mainly the supportive popular ones)

8.  Hire an ad agency to come up with a catchy slogan that can be hammered in to people’s brains.

9.  Make the rounds through Congress to drum up support, point out how your expansion benefits their district/home state.

10.  Initiate a massive multi-year study of the problems you hope to solve, ensure you hire many contractors to help, also ensure your entire budget is spent well before the end of the fiscal year.

11.  Hire sons and daughters of your political allies, their friends, and supplicants

Sark Saturday (22 Nov 14)

SarkSat

 

The following is a sarcastic view on recent world events…if this offends you, please leave a comment, that may make me happy.

 

Dateline – Washington D.C.:  The Treasury Department’s Inspector General has found former IRS head Lois Lerner’s 30,000 “lost” e-mails.  The White House has instructed the IG to be on the look out for the President’s lost popularity.  Wish them luck chasing the questing beast.

The Questing Beast

The Questing Beast

Dateline – rable rousing in Ferguson, Mo: alleged reverend Al “Big Money” Sharpton owes millions in back taxes…unfortunately the IRS is too busy harassing tea party groups to look into his finances, but IRS spokesperson announced that the IRS would look into it sometime in early Frimaire CMXI, as soon as they figure at what year that is.

The Personal Wealth of Al Sharpton

Dateline – Istanbul, Ottoman Empire:  Uncle Joe (Biden not Stalin) was greeted by ecstatic crowds hoping to see a repeat of his Dance of the Seven Veils.  Uncle Joe also denied that he had apologized to wannabe Sultan Recep I the Aptal.  White House spokesman Josh “Canadian Girlfriend” Earnest denied Uncle Joe’s denial.

Sultan Erdogan

 

 

 

Tart Tuesday (16 Sep 14)

Be Advised the following is SARCASM.  Mostly True, but…Sarcastic.

Proceed with Caution and Intelligence.

 

— Hillary Clinton has set up her very own Ministry of Propaganda…Correct the Record.  A waste of money IF she isn’t running for President in 2016.

 

— President Obama recently advised ISIS, Kindergarten teachers around the country collectively face-palmed.

 

— Senator Kirsten Gillibrand alleged in her recent book, that she was sexually harassed by fellow politicians, but then refused to name names.  Bill Clinton and Uncle Joe (Biden not Stalin) breathed a sigh of relief picked up by the Mars lander.

 

— Josh Earnest recently stated “Well, when we are in a position to be more specific about the commitments that we’ve received from our allies and other interested regional governments, then we will do that.”  Josh continued and I did actually have a girlfriend in high school, she lived in Canada.  I’m just saying.  Mrs. Earnest declined to comment, but did laugh hysterically.

 

— Secretary of State John Kerry was stunned to find out that after his Dance of the Seven Veils, that wanna be Sultan Recep Tayyip Erdogan still declined to help fight his BFF, ISIS.  Secretary Kerry was heard saying I showed him my best moves.

 

The Rotherham Rapes (7 Sep 14)

1400

 

1400 is a huge number.  1400 is the number of people in some sports stadiums. 1400.  Fourteen hundred.  One thousand Four hundred.  1400.

 

1400 is a conservative estimate of the number of under-aged girls raped in the town of Rotherham.  Rotherham is a suburb (metropolitan borough) in South Yorkshire, UK.  1400 is NOT all of the rapes that occurred in the United Kingdom, or even England, nor is it the number of all rapes in South Yorkshire, just a conservative estimate from 1 tiny area, a suburb of Sheffield.

 

What happened there?  Where are the police?  Where is the Borough Council, where is the mp (member of parliament)?  Where is protective services?

 

It all seems to have started in 1997, further investigation will be needed to verify that time frame, as some reports indicate a start date of the early 1990s.  In 2010, eight men were tried in Shieffield Crown Court, of which 5 (Zafaran Ramzan, Razwan Razaq, Umar Razaq, Adil Hussain, and Mohsin Khan) were convicted and sentenced to minor prison sentences (9, 11, 4.5, 4 and 4 years respectively).  In 2012, The Times of London conducted an investigative report which found the abuse was much more wide-spread then previously reported.  Just last week, Professor Alexis Jay, who had led the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Exploitation in Rotherham for the borough council released a report.  

 

A quick overview shows a sampling of 15 girls [starting at section 5.21], the vast majority were not helped in any substantial way by police or protective services.  Many continue to be abused.  Few families had any recent follow-up interviews as some had to leave the area in order to protect the child.  Protection from not only the grooming, but brutal rapes, psychological abuse, assaults on them and their families (including at least one case where a brother of a victim had both legs severely broken in order to keep her silent), a campaign of intimidation including gang members conducting open surveillance on the victims in their homes, threatening messages on social media, and even physical assaults.  Over 100 young girls became pregnant, with many being forced by their rapists to get abortions.  These are only a few of the incidents that occurred, where this abuse went on for almost two decades.

 

While the report only lightly touched on the exploitation of young boys by these so-called “grooming gangs”, the grooming of young boys is thought to be widespread, and vastly under-reported, with many cases being refereed to LGBT organizations (being treated as cases of sexual confusion as opposed to rape).

 

For those of you who think that heads should roll, for the 1400 victims of the Rotherham Child Sexual Exploitation scandal, well, that won’t happen.

A strong fear of being labeled a racist (all of the victims are white and all of the abusers are Asian aka Middle Eastern, no doubt victims of other ethnicities were also abused but have not yet come forward due to cultural taboos),

bureaucratic indifference (numerous previous reports were either suppressed or ignored),

political pandering (Rotherham is a Labour stronghold, the term rotten borough most often used to describe Rotherham, who has faithfully elected Labour since 1933),

a police service that at the most basic level is severely understaffed and overburdened with burgeoning population with many residents who have no understanding of British laws or even language,

lack of training and incompetence at all levels of the labyrinthine bureaucracy surrounding the agencies charged with the protection of children from rapists,

a media with the attention span of a goldfish,

and a generally indifferent population more interested in meaningless over-hyped events like the hacked naked pictures of Kate Upton then the lives of 1400 innocent children,

all these things combine to form a toxic blanket of hopelessness and helplessness for the victims and their families.

As far as the abusers, they will not be prosecuted, and they will continue to abuse, rape, and even murder our young girls and boys.

 

The most we can hope for is that PCC Shaun Wright, Joyce Thacker (Director of Children and Young People’s Services), and many others follow the example of Beauchamp Duff

 

More to follow, as there is much more information on these horrific events.

Tuesday Thoughts (6 May 14)

Thoughtful Wolf

Thoughtful Wolf

 

Here are a few thoughts I have going on…

 

— Clive Bundy (the rancher who was and continues to be the victim of Federal Government bullying) has shown an amazing level of ignorance with his comments about the “negro”, failing to realize and/or care that many of his supporters are/were Americans who are of African descent.  I pray that something will touch his heart, and he will not just not say hurtful untrue things but will actually become enlightened, and not paint an entire ethnic group with such a broad brush of ignorance and hate.

 

—  The entire Donald Sterling debacle, besides being stomach turning that a person who holds such disgusting views has no problems exploiting (albeit well paid exploitation) the talents of his black players.  As a side note, while Sterling was a recently registered Republican, as they say money talks and BS walks, his political contributions have been decidedly left-wing.

 

— In keeping with the Donald Sterling thought, Vanessa Stivano, if a guy buys you 2 Bentleys, a Ferrari, and a $1.8 million condo, and you call yourself his silly rabbit, you are NOT his assistant, you are his mistress.

 

— Jay Carney has become the President’s very own ‘Baghdad Bob’, first it was “bending the truth”, then “twisting the truth”, then flat-out lying, and now…reality has left the building.  I hope they are throwing piles of cash at you, Jay, because you would have more credibility if you sold your ass for crack on the street corner then you do now.

 

— In Nigeria, Boko Haram (led by Abubakar Shekau) kidnapped 276 girls from a school, and is now threatening to sell them as slave wives to other Islamic extremists.  I’ll pray for the safe return of all these girls to their families, and hope that Abubakar’s last thought is “Oh shit, that Predator just launched a Hellfire“.

 

I apologize for my recent absence, I have been feeling under the weather of late.  More fun stuff to come, so come back soon.

The Week in Review (1 Mar 14)

The Week in Review

The Week in Review

 

Greetings Seekers of Knowledge,

 

Welcome to the first “The Week in Review”, please enjoy…

 

1.  Russia undercover invades Ukraine.  For those of you who are surprised, you should not be, Russia has spent a fortune in treasure and blood securing the Crimea (and most especially Sevastopol), the previous lease was set to expire in 2017, but was renewed for an additional 25 years, but prevailing public opinion in Ukraine is very much against that.

[For Ukrainians:  don’t expect any help from the US or the Eunuch Western Europeans.]

 

2.  Walter Williams is a very lucky man today, earlier this week, Mr. Williams was declared dead, zipped up in a body bag, and transported to the funeral home.  Luckily he awoke, and is now alive and well and back with his friends and family.  We hope you have a long and happy life, Mr. Williams.  Enjoy it.

[side note:  Don’t die in Mississippi, unless you are really dead]

 

3.  The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has decided that students at Live Oak High School have no right to wear shirts showing the American flag during a Cinco de Mayo celebration at the school.

[when did the US Flag become racist?]

 

Well another week of “the war on freedom” has ended, realpolitik is alive and well in Eastern Europe, and statists here in America continue to strip your freedoms away.