The following is sarcasm…
Dateline: Cambridge, Ma, USA: MIT announced today that Professor Jonathon Gruber will be leaving the Economic Department to head the newly formed Department of Economic Deception Policy, joining him will Kathleen Sebelius (former Secretary of Health and Human Services). Senator Feinstein asked who Gruber and Sebelius are.
Dateline: Harare, Zimbabwe(aka the Republic of Bob): President/King/Self-proclaimed Semi-divine being Bob has fired Vice President Joice Mujuru and 8 cabinet members today, calling her “a witch”. Bob then offered Professor Gruber a job as head of the office of economic propaganda for an amazing salary of Z$1 million per week. The good professor politely declined after realizing that Zimbabwe abandoned the Zimbabwe dollar half a decade ago. Senator Diane Feinstein has offered to take over as Vice President. Bob wisely declined. Bob furthered decreed that the infamous Malleus Maleficarum be reprinted and used as a guide to root out any other witches in Zimbabwe.
Dateline: Moscow, Russian Federation: Former professional amateur spy Anna Chapman has withdrawn her proposal to NSA leak Edward Snowden and thrown her love at venerable Senator Dianne Feinstein, stating simply “I love Dianne’s dedication to exposing those people who sent me back to this $#!!hole…er…I mean my beautiful homeland. I just want to be famous and rich American like Kim Kardashian”. Professor Gruden refused to comment and said talk to his counsel. Senator Feinstein commented, Who is Anna Chapman?
Dateline: Washington D.C.: White House spokesman Josh “Canadian Girlfriend” Earnest, has denied any reports that the administration is conducting a “scorched earth” policy against the incoming Republican controlled congress and by default all of America, rather he termed it a “well toasted soil” policy. Professor Gruber said speak to his counsel and Senator Feinstein cackled loudly. Bob got the heebeegeebees from that btw.
Dateline: Tehran, Islamic Republic of Iran: The unnamed pilot who flew an American made (made prior to 1968) F-4 D/E in an air strike on ISIL targets in Iraq was awarded, the Iranian Military Order of Merit, kinda, it was the Military Order of Merit, but had a duck-taped picture of some old guy on the Pahlevi crown. Professor Gruber asked how much it was worth, and Senator Feinstein asked who Iran was.
Dateline: Washington D.C., USA: The meeting between Vice President Joe Biden (Uncle Joe) and Prince William (Duke of Cambridge) ended early when Uncle Joe kept asking the Prince to sing “Little Red Corvette“. Professor Gruber stated his favorite was “Diamonds and Pearls” and Senator Feinstein asked who Prince is and who Joe Biden is.
The above is a mix of hard truths, tarty sarcasm, and complete and total fabrications. If this offends you, please leave a comment below, I enjoy a good laugh.