Thoughts

Sark Saturday (28 Feb 15) The End of February 2015 Edition

The following is sarcasm, while our intent is not to irritate, aggravate, humiliate, or any other …ate, we can not deny that we don’t have a problem with those things.  So if you are irritated, aggravated, humiliated, or any other …ated, please leave a quick note, that way we can cachinnate.

 

SarkSat

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C., USA

Soon to be retiring Attorney General Eric “The Duck” Holder has blamed Fox news for Americans (and I am assuming Britons, Australians, French, Israelis, Syrians, Jordanians, Iraqis, Afghans, Indians, Pakistanis, Canadians, Belgians, Danes, Russians etc) for thinking that terrorism is a threat.  I am not sure if that factored into his flat-out refusal to give an “exit” interview to Fox news or could it possibly be that Ducky played this game…[Link]

 

Dateline:  Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe

President/King/Self-Proclaimed Semi-Divine Being Bob celebrated his 91st birthday at the colonial-era town near the famed waterfall.  While giving no indications of stepping down anytime soon, Bob and his guests (members of the ruling junta) gorged themselves on the meat of a pair of elephants that oh so willingly gave up their lives to sate Bob’s prodigious hunger.  [Where is PETA when you need them?]  After blaming the UK for all the ills of Zimbabwe’s current condition, he stated that he planned to “liberate” more white “safari owners” land.  Translating Bob-ese into English that means more land stolen from anyone who opposes his autocratic inept rule to be redistributed to his loyalists.  So anyone thinking of taking safari to Zimbabwe…Don’t.  It could be a fatal error.

 

Dateline:  Cairo, Arab Republic of Egypt

In a shocking turn of events, Judge Mohamed el-Sayed of the Court For Urgent Matters ruled that Hamas (the totally NOT corrupt and incompetent rulers of the Gaza strip) is a terrorist group, citing recent attacks on civilians and security forces in the Sinai and beyond, because they intended to harm the country (Egypt).    Although one wonders if this has anything to do with the rumors floating around that ISIS has established a presence in Gaza and Hamas fighters were flocking to the new wannabes, and that Hamas leadership were in communication and possibly negotiations with ISIS for some sort of partnership.  Egypt has already bombed ISIS targets in Libya after the mass murder of Egyptian Coptic Christian workers there.

 

Dateline:  London, England, Great Britain

In news that spits in the face of Marie Harf, deputy spokesperson for the US State Department, who stated that we need to give terrorists jobs to prevent terrorism.  Jihad Johnny/Jihad John (aka Mohammed Emwazi) was college educated (with a degree in computer science) and was not in need of job, he is in need of a bullet to the brain, a tomahawk to the torso, or a hellfire to the head.  Marie Harf who is shockingly an intelligence analyst by trade, defended her statement by claiming that her argument was too nuanced for some, or it could possibly be that her argument was just plain IDIOTIC.  Nearly all wars end when one side gets tired of dying, meaning you CAN kill your way out of a war.  Lack of jobs do not create terrorists, power-hungry assholes create terrorists.  Less I remind everyone that Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan had nearly 100% employment, and both continued to fight until we (The US, UK, USSR, and our allies) killed enough of them that they begged for peace.  Gee, you think that would work here?  Absolutely.  Germany and Japan both had a major cultural changes after the war, both of those countries are now some of the most peaceful countries on the planet.  That sounds like a good plan to me.  I would love to see, a Christian church, a Jewish synagogue, a Hindu Temple, a Buddhist Pagoda or Vihara, and a Pagan Sacred Grove in Mecca along with the Mosque there.

 

Dateline:  New York City, New York, USA

If you were wondering what the United Nations has been up to for the past couple of months while ISIS (Daesh) has been chopping heads off, burning people alive, and generally committing genocide, well so were we hence we looked into it.   The UN Security council has…as of late last evening, strongly condemned the “ongoing barbaric terrorist acts” committed by militants of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) aka ISIS or Daesh or a bunch of asshats running around killing, raping, destroying, you know crimes against humanity type things that the UN was allegedly formed to stop, and reaffirmed its determination in defeating the extremist group.  Wow!!  Can you feel the determination?  Rumors abound about ISIS contemplating surrendering to the UN.  Not really.  Good thing we pay millions of dollars for the UN to deplore ISIS’s genocide.  Bravo UN, keep up the great work.  In other news, UN chief Ban Ki-moon visited a dam in Chile.  While I generally don’t criticize the UN, mainly because I don’t pick low hanging fruit, seriously I couldn’t let this one slide by.

 

on a lighter note:

 

Dateline:  Outside a Pub, Ireland

An intellectually challenged thief met his match when he tried repeatedly to break the window on a Mercedes, until the brick he threw at the defenseless vehicle bounced off, hit him in the face, and knocked him unconscious.  If I were Mercedes marketing, I would make a commercial out of the video.

 

 

Saturday Sark [The Solstice Surrender Edition] (20 Dec 14)

SarkSat

Welcome to today’s Saturday Sark…

 

Dateline:  Hollywood (actually Culver City), California, USA:

Sony Pictures Entertainment have unconditionally surrendered to the Guardians of Peace, an enigmatic hacker group in the employ of North Korea, and cancelled the Christmas day opening of the Seth Rogan/James Franco movie, The Interview.  Using the pretext of a 9/11 type event at theaters to cancel the opening, when everyone on the planet knows that it is because the GoP promised to release a “Christmas gift”, considering the recent release that shows (the up til now unknown) hypocrisy of Hollywood, no one is surprised that Sony folded up like an origami swan.  Sony has announced that it will make a movie about “The Great Leader”, as requested by Kim Jong-un, the current self-proclaimed semi-divine being/sexiest man alive/president-for-life.  Amy Pascal has already requested an audience with alleged revered Al Sharpton, before doing the biopic, because who knows more about ‘truth’ then Al “Tawana Brawley” Sharpton.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C., USA:

Not to be out-Petain‘d by Amy Pascal, President Obama has unconditionally surrendered to walking dead caricatures Fidel and Raul Castro the only people on the planet who would accept the surrender.  The White House denied any and all rumors concerning the return of the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base to Cuba, and the transfer/release of the detainees there.

 

 Dateline:  Peshawar, Islamic Republic of Pakistan:

In another blatant example of Islamic apostate extremist ‘bravery’, the Taliban attacked a school.  The government of Pakistan was quick to point out that not one of the attackers were Pakistani, as 1 was Chechen (like the Tsarnov brothers), 2 Afghans, 1 Egyptian, 1 Moroccan, and 1 Arab of unknown nationality.  Some more ‘vital’ facts:

2 were homophobic, 2 were homosexual, and 2 were both;

2 loved women and thought every man should own a few, 2 were too scared to talk about women, 1 preferred goats;

2 had bathed in the last month, 1 in the last 6 months, 2 in the last year, and 1 didn’t know what a bath was;

and there were 9 gunmen.

 

Dateline:  Sydney, Australia:

Crazed gunman Man Haron Monis, who claimed loyalty to daesh (ISIS), before the Sydney Chocolate Cafe hostage crisis.  Vast numbers of people in Australia and around the world have surrendered to lunacy and announced quite vigorously that Monis was crazy (no shit, sherlocks) so it doesn’t count as an Islamic terrorist attack (Oh OK).  No one asked how a crazed man with a long history of legal trouble was able to get his grimy hands on a firearm in Australia were even thinking about guns is banned.

 

Dateline:  New York City, New York, USA:

Governor Andrew Cuomo announced today that he was surrendering to demands to follow the example set by a certain Ivy League school‘s policy, that he would allow police officers who were traumatized by the recent protests to take paid leave up to one month, he further decreed that all workers for the City of New York could also take the paid leave, no one in City Hall was available for comment.

In related news, US military personnel take care of business every day.

 

Dateline:  Hawaii, USA:

In his ultimate surrender to date, President Obama, has fled the Oval office, and gone on vacation to his Hawaiian retreat, as he mulls his options for retirement.  Rumors abound about Chicago, Hawaii, Isla de la Juventud, New York City, San Francisco abound, and the President himself joked about retiring to Kenya just to get the goat of birthers.

Wanna-be-Sultan Recep the Aptal has offered the President a comfy estate in Constantinople, while self-proclaimed semi-divine being/King/President Bob has offered the soon to be retired President a home in Harare but only if the President can help him hunt down witches.  No comments from the First Lady.

 

The Preceding is sarcasm, if it offends you, tell a friend, show them this post, both of you should be offended equally.

Blessed Solstice,

Happy Holidays,

and MERRY CHRISTMAS.

 

and remember DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE

 

and gifts for Dak should be in the form of vodka, silver, or blades 😀

 

seriously though, if you find yourself with a few extra coins, please remember all of the veterans out there who are suffering.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday Sark (13 Dec 14)

The following is sarcasm…

if you don’t like it, feel free to leave a comment I can always do with a good laugh

if it just sucks or is not funny leave a comment I can’t get better without input

if you do like it feel free to comment or give a like, maybe even a reblog

if you just don’t want to do any of the thing well…I hope you enjoy it anyway.  😀

 

Dateline:  Central, South Carolina, USA: A landlord (we will call him Chuck) has followed in the footsteps of some of the most ‘illustrious’ KGB/NKVD agents throughout history with his complete and utter refusal to allow Sgt. William Bolt to stay with his wife and new-born child over the Christmas holidays.  Great job, Chuck, no need to look up the phrase “exception to policy”  Feel free to send you displeasure to…The Groves.

 

Dateline:  Nazca, Peru:  In some sort of ‘brilliant’ attempt to garner sympathy amidst the socialist haven that is the UN Lima Climate Change Conference, Greenpeace damaged the famed hummingbird Nazca line with an ignorant sign.  Great job Greenpeace, no sense in NOT imitating the Taliban.

 

Dateline:  South Carolina, USA:  Hundreds of children rioted today throughout the state after news that Ebony Wilkerson was found not guilty of 3 counts of attempted murder after attempting to drown her 3 children (assuming you don’t count the one in her belly) by driving in to the ocean.

 

Dateline:  Jerusalem, Israel:  In another example of Palestinian religion of Peace, a terrorist threw acid on 4 little girls, before attacking their father with a screwdriver and then ran away.  Luckily he was shot by an armed fellow driver and now is being treated for his superficial wounds.

 

Dateline:  Washington, D.C, USA:  alleged Indian princess, and Obama rebel Elizabeth Warren has cough started cough a rebellion against the status quo in congress by telling her congressional sympathizers to not vote for the $1.1 trillion dollar budget deal.  So far her calls have fallen flat as the bill passed the House and looks to pass the senate, perhaps it is because it is such a far cry from last years remarks from against Ted Cruz for doing…the exact same thing.  Hat tip to Mississippi Conservative Daily and of course the beautiful and brilliant Megyn Kelly.

 

Dateline:  Beijing, People’s Republic of China:  Seemingly forgetting the Great Leap Forward and all of the other millions of Chinese people killed by torture, neglect, and outright murder, or at least assuming no one remembers or has the gall to say something, the Chinese recently blasted the US for the so-called ‘torture report’ issued by congressional democrats.  While it is good to know that China opposes the US using enhanced interrogation methods against douche-bags who rape, murder, and torture people while at the same time raping, murdering, and torturing supporters of freedom from Hong Kong to Tibet.

 

If this offends you…well…you know what to do…

Tart Tuesday, The Gruber Feinstein Edition (9 Dec 14)

The following is sarcasm…

 

Dateline:  Cambridge, Ma, USA:  MIT announced today that Professor Jonathon Gruber will be leaving the Economic Department to head the newly formed Department of Economic Deception Policy, joining him will Kathleen Sebelius (former Secretary of Health and Human Services).  Senator Feinstein asked who Gruber and Sebelius are.

 

Dateline:  Harare, Zimbabwe(aka the Republic of Bob):  President/King/Self-proclaimed Semi-divine being Bob has fired Vice President Joice Mujuru and 8 cabinet members today, calling her “a witch”.  Bob then offered Professor Gruber a job as head of the office of economic propaganda for an amazing salary of Z$1 million per week.  The good professor politely declined after realizing that Zimbabwe abandoned the Zimbabwe dollar half a decade ago.  Senator Diane Feinstein has offered to take over as Vice President.  Bob wisely declined.  Bob furthered decreed that the infamous Malleus Maleficarum be reprinted and used as a guide to root out any other witches in Zimbabwe.

 

Dateline:  Moscow, Russian Federation:  Former professional amateur spy Anna Chapman has withdrawn her proposal to NSA leak Edward Snowden and thrown her love at venerable Senator Dianne Feinstein, stating simply “I love Dianne’s dedication to exposing those people who sent me back to this $#!!hole…er…I mean my beautiful homeland.  I just want to be famous and rich American like Kim Kardashian”.  Professor Gruden refused to comment and said talk to his counsel.  Senator Feinstein commented, Who is Anna Chapman?

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C.:  White House spokesman Josh “Canadian Girlfriend” Earnest, has denied any reports that the administration is conducting a “scorched earth” policy against the incoming Republican controlled congress and by default all of America, rather he termed it a “well toasted soil” policy.  Professor Gruber said speak to his counsel and Senator Feinstein cackled loudly.  Bob got the heebeegeebees from that btw.

 

Dateline:  Tehran, Islamic Republic of Iran:  The unnamed pilot who flew an American made (made prior to 1968) F-4 D/E in an air strike on ISIL targets in Iraq was awarded, the Iranian Military Order of Merit, kinda, it was the Military Order of Merit, but had a duck-taped picture of some old guy on the Pahlevi crown.  Professor Gruber asked how much it was worth, and Senator Feinstein asked who Iran was.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C., USA:  The meeting between Vice President Joe Biden (Uncle Joe) and Prince William (Duke of Cambridge) ended early when Uncle Joe kept asking the Prince to sing “Little Red Corvette“.  Professor Gruber stated his favorite was “Diamonds and Pearls” and Senator Feinstein asked who Prince is and who Joe Biden is.

 

The above is a mix of hard truths, tarty sarcasm, and complete and total fabrications.  If this offends you, please leave a comment below, I enjoy a good laugh.

Bureaucracy, A Guide

The mission objectives of a bureaucracy…

1.  Justify existence (even if there is none, one must be found)

2.  Ensure safety from downsizing

3.  Grow (any and all means of growth is acceptable)

4.  Expand (take over other organizations responsibilities)

5.  Hire consultants (who you plan on working for later) at vastly inflated prices to study the problem.

6.  Publicly announce that after your initial overview, you must have more resources to tackle the problem.

7.  Make the talk show rounds (obviously mainly the supportive popular ones)

8.  Hire an ad agency to come up with a catchy slogan that can be hammered in to people’s brains.

9.  Make the rounds through Congress to drum up support, point out how your expansion benefits their district/home state.

10.  Initiate a massive multi-year study of the problems you hope to solve, ensure you hire many contractors to help, also ensure your entire budget is spent well before the end of the fiscal year.

11.  Hire sons and daughters of your political allies, their friends, and supplicants

Saturday Sark (Thanksgiving Holiday edition 29 Nov 14)

The following is sarcasm, if the following offends you, you are completely free to leave this page…so go thank a veteran for that freedom.

 

3 Things Liberal Statists should be thankful for,

if they celebrated Thanksgiving.

 

Dateline:  Zimbabwe (aka The Kingdom of Bob):  King/President-for-life/Self Proclaimed Semi-divine being Bob (aka Robert Mugabe) had his former BFF and favorite concubine Jabulani Sibanda arrested recently, it seems that Jabulani was upset by Bob picking Bob’s wife, whether it was just to head the Woman’s League or if there was more, no one is saying but Bob is still happily clinging to power like a drowning man to a raft.

 

Dateline:  Guantanamo Bay, Cuba:  The Pentagon is preparing to ‘transfer‘ some more ‘detainees’ (peace-loving, multiculturalism-believing, feminist, gun-control advocating, vegan, moderate men of an unspecified religion).  Where these chaps are being transferred has not being released.

 

Dateline:  Washington D.C.:  SecDef Chuck Hagel was not fired…Josh “Canadian Girlfriend” Earnest stated earnestly, after SecDef Hagel was fired.  So the President has purged all but one Republicans from his cabinet, that way the President can ‘hear’ all those who didn’t vote (because obviously if they had, they would have voted democrat) better.  Elections have consequences…except when they don’t

 

3 Things Lovers of Freedom should be thankful for this Thanksgiving

 

1.  The lame-duck senate has not declared President Obama President for life, King, or Czar.

 

2.  President Obama has not declared himself President for life, King, or Czar.

 

3.  Uncle Joe (Biden not Stalin) hasn’t had to replace President Obama.

 

and 3 thoughts…

 

1.  anyone else think that if Mike Brown’s parents had spent as much time teaching him to be a gentleman with honor as they have profiting from his death, he would still be alive.

 

2.  every year the similarities between Black Friday and the zombie apocalypse are becoming more scary.

 

3.  The IRS while completely NOT harassing tea party groups failed to catch the millions of dollars sent to prisoners who had filed fraudulent claims.  Not a smidgen of corruption, but a whole heaping pile of incompetence.

 

I hope you have had and will continue to have a very Happy Thanksgiving weekend.  Thank all of you for reading my drivel.  Be safe and come back…and

DON’T Drink and Drive

Tuesday Thoughts (6 May 14)

Thoughtful Wolf

Thoughtful Wolf

 

Here are a few thoughts I have going on…

 

— Clive Bundy (the rancher who was and continues to be the victim of Federal Government bullying) has shown an amazing level of ignorance with his comments about the “negro”, failing to realize and/or care that many of his supporters are/were Americans who are of African descent.  I pray that something will touch his heart, and he will not just not say hurtful untrue things but will actually become enlightened, and not paint an entire ethnic group with such a broad brush of ignorance and hate.

 

—  The entire Donald Sterling debacle, besides being stomach turning that a person who holds such disgusting views has no problems exploiting (albeit well paid exploitation) the talents of his black players.  As a side note, while Sterling was a recently registered Republican, as they say money talks and BS walks, his political contributions have been decidedly left-wing.

 

— In keeping with the Donald Sterling thought, Vanessa Stivano, if a guy buys you 2 Bentleys, a Ferrari, and a $1.8 million condo, and you call yourself his silly rabbit, you are NOT his assistant, you are his mistress.

 

— Jay Carney has become the President’s very own ‘Baghdad Bob’, first it was “bending the truth”, then “twisting the truth”, then flat-out lying, and now…reality has left the building.  I hope they are throwing piles of cash at you, Jay, because you would have more credibility if you sold your ass for crack on the street corner then you do now.

 

— In Nigeria, Boko Haram (led by Abubakar Shekau) kidnapped 276 girls from a school, and is now threatening to sell them as slave wives to other Islamic extremists.  I’ll pray for the safe return of all these girls to their families, and hope that Abubakar’s last thought is “Oh shit, that Predator just launched a Hellfire“.

 

I apologize for my recent absence, I have been feeling under the weather of late.  More fun stuff to come, so come back soon.

Saturday Week in Review (22 Mar 14)

The Week in Review

The Week in Review

 

This week in review…

 

*  Whoever is in charge of Kuala Lampur airport security should be fired, seriously, have you seen this video?  It is security camera video of the two pilots of the Malaysian Air jet that has been missing for almost 2 weeks now.  Seriously, buy some real cameras or at least hire somebody to stand there with their smart phone and record.

 

* For those of you, who are not quite clear on what realpolitik is, meet Vladimir Putin…Putin He just schooled President Obama on realpolitik, again.

 

* Crimea has voted to rejoin Russia, after declaring their independence from Ukraine.  For those of you wringing your hands about Crimea, don’t sweat it, let us be realistic, it is not in our national interests whether territory that has been Russian for 400 odd years, and filled with Russians is ruled by Russia.  It is definitely not worth drawing another red line that we won’t do anything about, as that only makes us look weak, and will cause us to have issues in other places that are in our national interests.  Pick your battles, and the Crimea is not of value to us.

 

* ObamaCare (aka The Affordable Healthcare Act) has been ‘modified/delayed’ again, that would be in the deep 30s in terms of modifications and delays.  Now I am not sure, but that sure does seem to be unique amongst federal laws in such a short time but, what I find odd, is the entire clusterfuck was designed (allegedly) to lower healthcare costs, provide insurance coverage to the 30+ million uninsured Americans, and to lower the debt and deficit to boot (the very definition of “if it sounds to good to be true, it probably is”), shouldn’t we look to what made America the leader in healthcare?  The free market system.  If the government wants to affect the price of medical care, perhaps, Tort Reform, Insurance Reform, and helping students wanting to enter the medical field with their costs for education, would actually do some good.

 

* Earlier this week over a hundred illegal aliens were apprehended rescued from a stash house in Houston.  Why if roughly 10% of Mexico’s population is already here in America, and literally hundreds of Mexicans die every year attempting the dangerous crossing from Mexico to America, through some of the harshest climates in the world, led by criminals whose primary concern is cash, to be packed into cars, trucks, and houses like sardines, has not asked, one simple question…What the hell is going on in Mexico that all of these people are running from?

Has the time come for the USA to liberate Mexico.  People always talk about doing the humanitarian thing while wanting to offer amnesty to all of the illegal aliens, well let’s do one better, let us liberate the whole damn country, make them American, stamp out the epidemic corruption and violence that forces these poor people to flee for a better life.  Problem solved, and it is a lot closer to home.

Tart Tuesday (25 Feb 14)

(Be Advised the following is completely fictional and sarcastic)

uncle-sam-you-must-obey

WANTED:  unmotivated, lazy, corrupt, incompetent people who want undeserved power and way to much pay.

WHY:  The Federal Government needs people with low morals to circumvent law and common sense.

WHAT:  The Government needs obedient no-nothings to do their bidding, like denying veteran’s applications for benefits, over-investigating political opponents, and of course, ignoring blatant violations of law and people’s civil rights.

If you think, you have an incompetent bully inside of you, WE want You, because this level of fraud, waste, and abuse is not possible without petty, depraved, inept, and completely unthinking bureaucrats to do all of our bidding.  Be advised, you will be tested to assure that you have the proper level of ‘training’ to be a good progressive, unionized, federal employee.

Please call (800) 267-7878 or 386-2277, you can also try our website,  http://www.apparatchikwanted.gov

*Tea Party members, lovers of freedom, and anyone with morals and/or common sense need not apply.

FridayFreakout

 

Is it just me….or do you also notice…..

that some people don’t understand the the First Amendment (Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..) did you notice it doesn’t say…AHHH don’t mix religion and government?  Yea, oddly it totally did NOT.  Crazy right?  For those of you, who don’t understand those words, they mean…..Congress won’t designate an official religion, and they won’t ban a religion (at least theoretically).  That is it, nothing more, nothing less.

 

Our prayers and thoughts go out to Ukraine, sadly people have died, to ensure that the government of Ukraine listens to their people.  Something about that weird ass term, democracy, go figure, maybe it will catch on.  Who knows.  No government can stand against the will of the people.  Get informed.

 

Have you heard what is going on in Scotland?  Sir William Wallace, himself, has risen from the grave, and killed every single member of the Scottish Parliament with his Claymore.  It was insane, blood and guts everywhere.  Oh wait, no that totally did not happen, but the Scottish parliament (may each and every member die the same way Sir William did) voted (105 to 0) for “the Children and Young People Bill” (oddly wikipedia doesn’t have any information on it passing), assigns a “named person” to oversee each and every child in Scotland.  [Longshanks is loving this.]  Allegedly, for the child’s own good.  [Of course, if you believe that, I have some premium ocean front property for sale in Arizona.  Best available, going quick.  Seriously, don’t miss this chance to make me obscenely wealthy].

Anyway, if you think this is a nice and caring way to take care of children, I have to say,

You, Sir or Madam, are a DUMBASS!  If you are a realists, and realize that this is most definitely on the slippery slope of statism, I welcome you to the planet earth, most of you have been here long before me.

Let us take a quick walk on the path of possibilities…

let us assume, that the next David Beckham (please use Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth, or Peyton Manning if it pleases you) is born in Scotland.  Do you really think that the “named person” would not in some way shape and or form, want a piece of that action, money-wise?  PUH-LEZE.  That child would be out of your custody so quickly, you’d think he/she was the neighbors kid.  All for the good of the child (read:  Government).  You object?  Yea, your rights as a parent are inferior to this “named person”.  Check out the link:  [@:  http://wholetruthmedia.com]

 

That is it for this wonderful Friday…Be Responsible for your actions, and be Safe.

Dak