The following is sarcasm, if you are intellectually challenged, proceed with caution, if you are easily offended, frequently confused, of an inhibitor of cheap artificial grape-flavored children’s drink, you may wish to flee immediately, the following will surely cause your eyes to pop from your skull, your ears to bleed, and your heart to play The Ballroom Blitz. You have been warned.
Dateline: Washington D.C.
At the National Prayer Breakfast, President Obama gave Islam a sharp back-handed compliment (some say it was so good, even he didn’t realize it).
“Humanity has been grappling with these questions throughout human history, and lest we get on our high horse and think this is unique to some other place remember that during the Crusades and the Inquisition people committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ. In our home country, slavery and Jim Crow all too often was justified in the name of Christ.”
Did you see what he did there?
First he referenced the Crusades, which as we all know were the Christian response to Islam conquering Christian lands around the middle east, from Egypt in the South up to what is now Turkey in the North, very smooth, Mr. President; but wait there is more…
the inquisition, a suave reference to a particular episode in the Catholic church’s history that had part of its cause when people were concerned that Muslim converts to Christianity (Moriscos) were supplying Muslim pirates, the Corsairs sailing out of North Africa with the full support of the Caliphate in the form of the Ottoman Empire, information to raid coastal regions of Spain to abduct locals for the slave market; but wait,
there is even more by referencing slavery in the west, he subtly points to the fact that it was Muslim traders with whom the first European traders purchased black Africans as slaves to be shipped to the Americas, and the fact that Muslim traders were instrumental in ensuring a continuous supply of Christian and Pagan black Africans to be shipped off to the Americas as slaves…Bam…painfully slick, like a greased pig, but even then it didn’t stop, Oh no, the President had one more to go, yes he did,
his reference to Jim Crow, a straight up poke in the eye,
Jim Crow…was the name of a lessor known character played by the the world famous caricature actor Sebastian Woodly, Mr. Woodly who would later travel to the middle east where he met and fell in love with a young goat herder, converted to Islam, and then retired to Baltimore, County Cork, Ireland, much to the chagrin of the locals as Mr. Woodley would often chase the livestock about, some say in heartbreak, others say in hunger, and even others say he was just a dodgey old codger.
But I digress,
that last one aside,
it was a pretty smooth set of digs at Muslims and every one true
(again not the last one, to head off any controversy as far as we know there has never been an actor named Sebastian Woodly who did all those things, and any confusion is completely and totally because you missed the part above that said this was sarcasm),
we can only stand back and watch in shock and awe.
Dateline: Amman, Jordan
Warrior King Abdullah II of Jordan has issued a personal challenge to mortal combat between himself and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi to settle their differences, while we here at Dak’s Bays prefer a cage match with sharpened rusted spoons, one can assume the good King Abdullah who commanded Jordan’s elite special forces could mop the floor with Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi whose primary skills include planning world conquest, petting white cats, and indulging his goat fur-lined combat boots fetish. While it does seem unlikely that Abu Bakr will accept the King’s offer, the good King plans to attempt to use the Royal Jordanian Air Force to bomb daesh to death, assuming Turkey’s Sultan Recep I the Aptal, and our very own President don’t try to stop him.
Dateline: Johannesburg, South Africa
President/King/Self-Proclaimed Semi-Divine Being Robert “Bob” Mugabe did not fall, but actually fell to his knees in awe of himself. That’s right, that was no fall, but a form of appreciation of how awesome he is, this feat has only happened a few other times with such notables as Jim Jones, Pol Pot, and Nero.
I do hope you enjoyed our quick overview of world events. If you have a few minutes you should head over to Theo Spark, and take a look around.